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Raging in the Dark

by J.R. Carroll

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1.
Lord, it's good to be in Rogers County I sure love this place I know everyone around me And these days, they know my name My brother's got himself a family Mom and Dad, They're doing fine Caleb's working down at Holly And Zach finally hit it big time Me, I'm doing fine, I swear I don't think of you at all It's coming to an end, I fear Cause' pride it goes before a fall I'm wasting every breath I get on Songs that just won't change your mind Other than that, I'm doing fine Other than that, I'm doing fine I see you in my dreams fairly often And hear you every time I close my eyes Telling me you wish that I'd quit talking And begging me to kiss you one more time You ain't come around here since that evening I told you I couldn't be your friend Cause' I just can't quit feeling what I'm feeling And you can't seem to let me in Me, I'm doing fine, I swear I don't think of you at all It's coming to an end, I fear Cause' pride it goes before a fall I'm wasting every breath I get on Songs that just won't change your mind Other than that, I'm doing fine Other than that, I'm doing fine
2.
Save Me 03:51
All these lights are blinding me Steady reminding me I'm on my own, headed home And I'm thinking about you These days it's all that I do I keep on hoping that I'll write a better song And you'll call me when you hear it And tell me you were wrong But the phone, it never rings The words, they never come to me it seems If what you said was true I guess we're doomed There's nothing left for me to say To try to prove that I love you But I just can't love you that way You never wanted me the way I was You always tried to change me But you could never save me How many evenings can a man spend alone Before he's lost inside himself again Chasing what he knows Is the reason for that feeling Of not feeling anything at all And the truth is all it'd take for me Is one word and a smile To be right back in that place between love and denial But I swear that it'd be better Than sitting here alone and missing you If what you said was true I guess we're doomed There's nothing left for me to say To try to prove that I love you But I just can't love you that way You never wanted me the way I was You always tried to change me But you could never save me
3.
It's not a matter of your circumstance It's all about what your momma gave you You got the smile But did she give you all the tools you need to save you When you're down and out And you're sick of this town Cause' all the boys know you've been around And not a one of 'em fills the holes your daddy left Well you ran off and changed your name but Deep down, you're still the same Broken girl who never makes up her mind There ain't a man around who deserves your crown But you keep on forcing yourself down Then you cry and wonder why it winds up bad Don't lose your faith Don't lose your faith Don't lose your faith Don't lose your faith Well your dreams are plagued With a place that you could stay and never leave it Then every time a good man shows his face You won't believe it Guess you're jaded from the past And you're moving too fast And from everything you've seen True love doesn't last And if it does, we'll darlin', it ain't for you Don't lose your faith Don't lose your faith Don't lose your faith Don't lose your faith Time and time again, you throw it away Just this once, won't you let the right man stay Time and time again, you throw it away Just this once, won't let you the right man stay It's not a matter of your circumstance It's all about what your momma gave you
4.
Red Fern 03:45
Well Towards the border of the Northeast corner Of Oklahoma lives a Native girl Spends her days in Delaware County But she wants to see the ocean for the pearls Never had two nickels to rub together All she knew was how to work So she's singin' for some change in a guitar case To pull herself out of the dirt She sings I love this place but it ain't my home I belong where people hear my songs and sing along And I hate to lеave it, but I've got to go I was meant for morе than missin' cowboys Where the red fern grows Pretty soon those dreams that she'd been dreamin' Didn't seem so out of reach So she switched from change and checks And started playin' shows that weren't out on the street Met a drummer in a red dirt band In Tahlequah who swore he'd make her shine So she ran off to the city, left the boy she loved And her family behind She sings I love this place, but it ain't my home I belong where people hear my songs and sing along And I hate to leave, but I've got to go I was meant for more than missin' cowboys Where the red fern grows Days turn into months All the months turn into years Streets turn to stadiums and silence turns to cheers Them Oklahoma hills, they still call out her name If you listen close you can hear her sing She sings I love this place, but it ain't my home I belong where people hear my songs and sing along And I hate to leave but, I've got to go I was meant for more than missin' cowboys Where the red fern grows Towards the border of the Northeast corner Of Oklahoma lives a Native girl
5.
Preacher Man 03:41
Well I ain't the kind of man Who'd turn and run from a fight Got no money in my pockets All I carry these days is my old man's knife I ain't sweating for my wages I'm just fighting demons, raging in the dark Between memories and broken dreams I ain't sure there's a real good place to start Well I'm pretty good at playing roles I've been acting like I'm something that I'm not for a while I've been running from my nature Trying to change it But turns out there's plenty parts of me That ain't worth saving I'm a no good son of a Preacher man With a smoking habit In a one piece band Not a clue in the world what I'm doing Or where I'm bound And I'm running awful low on Give a damn's And I'm trying to learn to accept who I am I ain't asking for approval anymore Papa, I'm grown now I'm gonna make you proud I'm gonna make you proud Well I had a dream the other night that I was standing in a stage In the shadows of the crowd I swear to God I saw your face You came to me with open arms And told me you were proud of who I was But I woke up alone again And I can't face the man that I've become Still I'm pretty good at playing roles I've been acting like I'm something That I'm not for a while I've been running from my nature Trying to change it But turns out there's plenty parts of me Ain't worth saving I'm a no good son of a Preacher man With a smoking habit In a one piece band Not a clue in the world what I'm doing Or where I'm bound And I'm running awful low on Give a damn's And I'm trying to learn to accept who I am I ain't asking for approval anymore Papa, I'm grown now I'm gonna make you proud I'm gonna make you proud

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released July 21, 2022

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J.R. Carroll Tulsa, Oklahoma

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